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| Um yeah right now I don't really feel like messing with that font shit. But um....Yeah pretty much my summer sucked ass. I'm even more addicted to cigs than before ugh.....Pretty much sucks. And um yeah I went to Kettering Hospital Youth Services.....I don't really think it helped ...AT ALL. It was just a bunch of fucking bullshit. They just kept saying the same shit. So.....yeah. And then I forgot about my summer reading project but I'm done with that now.....And now just for certain reasons my life sucks again!....Well I think like, everyone's life sucks in a different way. Yeah like when you go to an AA metting you just want to drink more when you get out....What the fuck is with that.....So yeah smoking more = bad for me. But ugh. Oh well. At least I got some good new music this summer. | | |
| "For all the people who say "I love you" when they have no clue what love is
exactly! Something to ponder upon...Are your palms sweaty, is your heart racing
and is your voice caught within your chest? It isn't love, it's like. You can't
keep your eyes or hands off of them, am I right? It isn't love, it's lust. Are
you proud, and eager to show them off? It isn't love, it's luck.
Do you want them because you know they're there? It isn't love, it's loneliness.
Are you there because it`s what everyone wants? It isn't love, it's loyalty. Are
you there because they kissed you, or held your hand? It isn't love, it's low
confidence. Do you stay for their confessions of love, because you don't want to
hurt them? It isn't love, it`s pity.
Do you belong to them because their sight makes your heart skip abeat? It isn't
love, it's infatuation. Do you pardon their faults because you care about them?
It isn`t love, it's friendship. Do you tell them every day they are the only one
you think of? It isn't love, it's a lie. Are you willing to give all of your
favorite things for their sake? It isn't love, it's charity.
Does your heart ache and break when they're sad? Then it's love. Do you cry for
their pain, even when they're strong? Then it's love. Do their eyes see your
true heart, and touch your soul so deeply it hurts? Then it's love. Do you stay
because a blinding, incomprehensible mix of pain and relation pulls you close
and holds you there? Then it's love.
Do you accept their faults because they're a part of who they are? Then it's
love. Are you attracted to others, but stay with them faithfully without regret?
Then it's love. Would you give them your heart, your life, your death? Then it's
love. Now, if love is painful, and tortures us so, why do we love?
Why is it all we search for in life? This pain, this agony? Why is it all we
long for?This torture, this powerful death of self? Why? The answer is so simple
cause it's...LOVE. It is such an addictive thing that even people who are not
having it wish to experience it and share it with others as well." | | |
| My scream for help is the blood running down my body... | | |
| Yeah so right now I really don't care about making my font all pretty or what not. Because right now I'm just trying to get a point across....well somewhat but I don't care anymore. I really fucking don't......So whoever wants to come to my house and shot me go ahead but you might want to make it fast so that the starvation doesn't beat you to it. Yeah that's right. I haven't eaten anything in 6 days so far. And my weight before was 114 guess how much it is now?........96. It's hard to breathe my heart is always pounding in my chest. If you lift up my shirt you can see my ribs...Like clear as day. And a lot of my pants don't fucking fit anymore! Yeah and I'm doing all of this for one person and that person a lone. And I have told them who they were a million times so.....Like I have said before to you...."It's all for you.....Every bit of it" And there is only one person who can help me get back onto my feet. LMFAO!!! But they won't do anything to help me so.....This is a question I am going to leave you all to ponder upon.....How long can someone go without eating or drinking? | | |
| Okay so um...It's final. That I am going to go to the mental hospital Monday prolly. And I just hope that like...I'm still not there when it's my birthday cause that's really going to sucks. But I think I will be. So um....WOW....I'm spending my birthday in a loony bin!!! Well....Um I didn't think that things would be so hard but I guess that I was wrong. I'm wrong a lot. Especially about people.....You think you know them and then they turn around and basically...Just....FUCKING RIP YOU APART!!! Well....That, I am used to but. Just not by one person. And In this case it was the person I loved and since I know everyone just fucking....Knows now I guess I can say HER name instead of "this person" Because even though I am still in a lot of pain. I still love her and always will. So...Tabitha Rose Nelson...I still love you and always will. | | |
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